And They Lived Happily Ever After
by Fallore
Summary: Yet another one of those horribly atrocious cliche fan fics. We write them because it's fun. Crack Naruto!teachxSasuke


**Disclaimer:** Obviously, I don't any of the following characters. This fanfic is pure and utter crack and made to make fun of Naruto fanfictions, so don't expect hot and steamy sex. Watch out for profanity.

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It is common knowledge that saying whatever is on your mind, good or bad, may not always be the best thing to say, due to the fact it could lead to some very messy situations. Some people say 'Honesty is the best policy' and it's evident that these people lived in a fantasy world where their only enemies were rogue unicorns. As a result, my current theory is that whoever developed such a phrase was a naïve three year old or a very simple-minded buffoon. Sure, you might say that I'm a bit cynical on the matter but I'm merely stating facts and my opinion. However, it's clear that the inventor of this rather ridiculous and heinous phrase has never met someone like me before.

An example of 'Honesty may not always be the best policy' would be once upon a time, on a typical and average school day, which consisted of the norm: wake up, brush teeth, wash face, get changed, eat breakfast, and so on and so forth. A boring routine, to say the least, and I find myself with little merit at the end of the day, wishing that something miraculous had happened, even if it was a murder in my classroom.

There's something unsatisfying about coming home with feeling like I've gained nothing, but, that may just be a fault on my part since my mind tends to wander elsewhere instead of focusing on the task at hand. Ergo, it was a given that sooner or later the teacher would have realized that I was paying little to no attention to the amount of word vomit spilling from his thin, wiry lips.

"Mr. Uchiha!" a voice calls and it almost takes a moment for my head to register the shrill noise.

Without much thought as to what action I should take, I frown as my gaze tears away from the window and the outside blue. I stare at the source, Mr. Trimble, the English teacher, almost dumbly. I don't reply.

"It might help you and your grades if you paid a bit more attention in class, Mr. Uchiha, instead of acting like a first grader on his first field trip."

I almost laugh at his phrase. Very clever analogy, Mr. Trimble, I applaud your efforts. "Honestly, Mr. Trimble, it wouldn't make much difference if I did pay attention. First of all, I'm already an A student and second of all, you have the about the same amount of ability to explain things as my little brother, who is in fact, a first grader. As you can see, paying attention would do me little good." My non-existent little brother that is, but if I had one, he'd teach just as well as you did.

The teacher trembles, clearly he's upset, not that I blame him since I just ridiculed him and I'm his student, but he's not a good teacher. I can voice my opinion if I want to. Right? It fits his name, though, just replace the 'i' in his name with an 'e' and you get Tremble instead of Trimble. Pretty convenient, if you ask me.

The teacher stared at me with a rather dumfounded expression and soon it morphed into one of uncontained rage. Mission accomplished, I dare say.

"Get… Get out, NOW." The trembling Trimble yelled and I was out the door before he could even bother muttering another word.

To be honest, there isn't really a reason I come to school at all, besides the fact I need to go to university. The only compulsory education is junior high, so I could have started working after then, but to say I wanted to become a top businessman with only level 2 education is unrealistic. I like to boast about my abilities at times but even I know my limits.

However, there was one reason I did come to school at all and ironically, it was for a teacher. To be exact, it's the new young History teacher who replaced the old wrinkly raisin one, Mr. Ichihara.

Now, I'm pretty sure that this story of mine is clichéd enough to be illegal in at least ten different countries and would make them want to vomit their guts out, but really, everyone knows this is what makes a story interesting. The list of 'what makes stories great' are lack of morality and conscience as well as gay boys, which I can tell you now, don't ever exist on the internet because let's be serious here, all gay boys on the net are females. Or at least, the majority of them are.

Of course, I'm not exactly about to go chasing after him like a dog in heat, as much as I probably would like to, but I might as well be asking the principal, Tsunade whatshername, to expel me on the spot because that's what she'd like to do. Therefore, my feet steer me towards the infirmary, there's usually open beds there and what better to waste my free time away than to sleep it off?

"And where are you headed?" A voice asks beside me as I reach five meters away from the doors of my destination and I look up to see a mess of grey hair and my gag reflexes start kicking in. It's Hatake Kakashi, the creepy doctor of the school. How he got the job is beyond me as he looks like a pedophilic ass rapist who only aims for little boys and is most often mistaken as screwing the quiet Math teacher of the first years class, even though they hardly exchange words, much less glances. He's clearly out for the young ones, not shy scar face in the opposite wing.

"Where does it _look_ like I'm headed, old man?" I ask him before heading into the office before him.

Kakashi grins almost stupidly at me as he watches me take a bed and loosen my tie "Now now, Sasuke, you know it's illegal for me to touch students. Plus, you should be in class, not playing hooky so you can hit on older men."

I sneer at him "Funny, but you're not even within my radar, and as for legality, I'm sure that doesn't stop you when it comes to your '_patients_'."

The old fool chuckles as if I told a funny joke and sits down in his chair. He clasps his hands together as his elbows sit on the arm rests and he crosses his legs while he looks at me "Oh that's right, you're after Mr. Uzumaki. You set your sights pretty big for a kid. Good luck climbing _that_ mountain Uchiha."

I crinkle my nose and narrow my eyes "Clever analogy, Hatake. I didn't _just_ hit puberty you asshole, you can stop your cover up and say penis already because yes, I know what it is."

He laughs out loud, clearly enjoying himself because he's a sick, twisted soul and finds most things amusing when it comes to me because I'm obviously just _so funny_. Just as he's about to open his mouth to say something, the door opens and reveals all that is wonderful in my dismal, senior high life: Uzumaki Naruto.

He's looking as dim-witted as ever, bright and all. As most creepy, greasy nerd girls like describe, he's got the 'sun-kissed hair', 'azure, bright, beautiful eyes' and most plainly put, hot bod, because describing the perfection of what is him and his washboard abs just takes far too long. Why was I in love with him? Not for any reason, really, except for the fact he was damn hot.

Feel like puking yet? Because I'm going to be half-baked and make this _seem_ like a plausible and typically horrible sounding boys love novel that you can find anywhere on the net, especially fan fiction sites.

Since we all like to be typical, I'd like to insert here that we had hot wild sex right in the infirmary because Kakashi left to go do a guy he never really talked to named Iruka. Not to mention, it'd work in my favor but that didn't happen.

Seriously.

"I was wondering if you had pain killers, I've got a massive headache and a class after the bell rings." Uzumaki explains and snaps me back to reality in which we are doing nothing but crowing the doctor's office and asking for headache eradications. He looks over at me, acknowledging my existence with a slightly puzzled look "What are you doing here, Mr. Uchiha? (1)"

You know how teachers give you sex education classes in hopes of making you aware that abstinence is the better choice but failing hard in their so-called 'hormonal removal program'. Those things never work, you never really stop thinking about sex. Why? Because that's what teenagers do. Think about sex. And that's what I was doing right then. Thinking about sex.

Because I am a teenager.

"Uh, feeling a bit sick, is all, Mr. Uzumaki." I reply almost slowly and he smiles almost sympathetically.

"I know the feeling."

Oh, no you do _not_.

Kakashi stood up, throwing a quick obvious smirk my way as he did. Searching the shelves, he huffed in a defeated manner before looking over at Uzumaki "It seems there isn't any here, let me go to storage and check for some." He said before skipping out of the room, slamming the door shut promptly behind him and I almost hear the door lock. WOW.

Now how the fuck does that happen? He really did leave us alone and how the fuck does an infirmary _not_ have painkillers when it's the most stocked up type of medicine in terms of a cure-all.

Naruto looks over at me and takes a seat that is conveniently placed right by the bed I'm lying on and he smiles. "Not enough sleep or something, Mr. Uchiha?" He asks me for no reason, really. A pointless question.

But yes, because I've been thinking about you all day and night, baby.

He grins almost mischievously at me "I'm sure you thought about it, I know I did, when I was in high school, about whether or not if the infirmary was ever used as a replacement for a love hotel like in this terribly clichéd stories."

In fact, yes I did.

"Would you like to find out?" I ask back, smirking at him.

He chuckles, because sexy people do that.

"Yes."

AWESOME. Please, satiate my teenage hormonal rage for you, Naruto.

Climbing on top of me, his eyes are filled with lust, however that happens, as he unbuttons his shirt painful slowly, showing off his god like physique. He bends down and plants a passionate, hot, sloppy wet kiss on me and I become hornier than I already was.

Insert some wild hot sex here with the words insert, thrusting, pulsating, penis, sloppy and other conveniently gross words you can think of. Then abuse the words shaft, rod, and cock.

And we lived happily ever after, having wild hot sex almost everyday in the infirmary. The end.

Hope you enjoyed that like you would with any other bad cockblocking fanfiction.

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(1)Um, seriously? Since this is an English speaking fan fic, I'm not gonna bother with the whole 'san', 'kun', and 'sensei' business.

Flames expected. Chyeah. I might write an actual real fanifc sometime when I don't get overly sick of it.


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